Exhale on Excertion

Ok...Not been doing great on journaling food...having a food plan..
But I have gone to exercise classes M-F. So that is something and I have healthy food in the house  - so even though I am eating more than I should it is alot better food...So BETTER RIGHT?????
Scale still not making me do a happy dance but I can feel my body getting stronger and my clothes getting looser - not loser -

Exercising is still not easy for me and I can feel my extra weight which is depressing - I have stopped fantasizing about following the instructor to her car and force feeding her Little Debbie Honey Buns - hey that's progress. 

In the classes---I receive the advise to exhale on exertions---what do you do when it is ALL EXERTION?Well then it goes to a pant...Exhale -suck in air through like a fish surfacing water..and back to the exhale---I need a paper bag to not pass out!!!

And yet ... I am still in the fight...
Thanks for all the kind words.  They truly lift me up!

Lost 3 pounds

Weighted today.  The scale showed 3 pounds less of me than before.  I am proud of myself but predicting rough times a head.  Right now my life is as slow and sweet as it gets.  I am a teacher, so I am on summer break!  That is all about to change.  I feel like I need to get my meal plan ready and I really have never had one--So far I write as a go so it has worked.  Once school starts I literally don't even have time to pee!  So I am heading in to high stress low or no self care season.  I want that to be different--not sure what actions I need to make so that it is not just lip service.  A friend suggested meditation or repeating a mantra..."Come Holy Spirit", whatever will center me...Anybody use something like that?
Many Thanks - Got a High Five from the Doc today---made my day!

Two Pigs Fighting Under a Blanket

"Looks like two pigs fighting under a blanket."  Quote from Steel Magnolia's best movie for quotes ever.  Dolly's character said this about a fat woman dancing!  I worry that is what I look like when I try and move or wiggle into clothes!  My clothes are loose!  (Have not weighted yet) - but I can't zip the next size down.  I was just going to buy the size 14 and keep trying it on...but who the hell needs that abuse.  So I bought a belt!  It has holes and I can see myself shrinking.  At some point I will try smaller sizes again.  No time soon because it was just ugly seeing that gapping zipper with fat spilling out!

Cool store in McKinney, Tx...Resale shop with great prices called Clothes Mentor in Highland Village (1st time in today).  It is a solution to finding clothes as you are changing without paying new clothes price.  Anyway!!!

Here is what I know.  I feel good.  I am very VERY nervous about when school starts I am a teacher and school means 12 hour days, parent concerns, principal and AP concerns needs, teaching team obligations - and typically no time for exercise, eating right or basic self care!!!!  I have boundary issues with work and tend to let it define me.  If work thinks I am doing a good job then I am OK.  Forget that my house is a mess, I am eating crap, stressed out and exhausted!!!  Nervous...Any pointers or encouragement would be greatly appreciated!

Just for fun...Other Quotes from Steel Magnolia's
"Weeza, You know I love you more than my luggage!"
"I wear a 6, but and 8 feels so good I wear it!"
"I always say, if you don't have anything nice to say come sit by me!"
Have a day filled with blessings!

A Positive, A Negative - Still not a ZERO

Ok...Yesterday I was on an exercise High... Today I was at a low...both have inspired me.  I am glad for both!  Again I could not have done either without my Exercise Buddy!  She has gotten there early the last 2 days and set me up--I am known for being a day late and a dollar short!  In the past I get there late look in at the intimidating class and leave...now I know she is waiting on me so in I go!  Thanks Buddy!!!!

Yesterday I did a Hydro Class, Water Aerobics, Aqua Exercise - Whatever you call it!  What a kinder gentler world that was---There were older people than me (they were the nicest!!!!) and younger people than me (still nice).  There were fatter people than me and much thinner people than me--again all nice.  It was a good workout and soo fun.  All the people seemed to know each other and ask about who was not there and why - They visited after class - introduced themselves and High Fived me when we were done!!!! I so want to join their sweet loving world of AQUA LOVE...

Today - A 50/50 class.  I was the fattest person in there.  Always a bad sign!!!  It was run, run, run, jump, jump, jump, stop get weights do it with weights, put weights down, run, run, run, jump, jump, jump, stop get weights do it again, and again, and again.  At one point I let my tongue hang out in exhaustion and saw that it was BLUE!!!  Yea, that can't be good!   I was at the front of the class facing the dreaded mirror - and I saw how fat I am.  But I also saw me MOVING!  I saw the other people jumping higher, basically doing everything better.  For the first time I saw and felt like my fat was the enemy.  It was keeping my body from moving free!!!  For a good while now it has been my friend, my protection, my fall back plan.  It did not feel like a friend during that class - It felt like what it is - something slowing me down and wearing me out!

One of my wise friends, says we do what we do until we learn something different.  What she has explained to me before is that some of our negative behaviors were needed for what ever reason.  They worked for us..then we get a little stronger and we don't need them so we do something different.  I like that kind way of looking at it.  It stops me from beating myself up!

What a Journey...Thanks for walking with me!
Kim

Dear Butt...

What a day... It started out with me mentally writing my butt an apology letter.  It went something like this. 

"Dear Butt,
You've always been there for me, always given me a safe place land.  There has been the occasional Hem-nightmare but I don't blame you for that..  I consider that a toll that I had to pay to ride on the Motherhood Super Highway.  So saying all that, I need to give you some difficult news that is going to be hard for you to hear.  I am sorry to do this to you , however we are going to another cycle class.  I know you have just recovered from the last class.  I am sure this time will not be so bad.  The instructor said that after 3 classes butts hardly complained about the seats anymore.  (I don't believe her - but I don't want Butt to know that!)  So hang in there Butt it will be over soon!"

I survived cycle class #2 - that which does not kill you makes you stronger...The instructor said several times during the class.  "This is good pain!"  Talk about an oxymoron - As she said it I was thinking, "Really is there good pain - I think NOT!!"  The best thing about sweating and working out is that it makes water easy to drink.  I went through 2 bottles in that class.

The rest of my day involved 2 hours in my dentist chair getting a temp crown on a cracked tooth - AN IMPROVEMENT OVER THE CYCLE CLASS. - At leave the dentist gave me laughing gas!!!

I'm kinda in a mood - Tomorrow I am facing a water aerobic class - combining 3 things I am not crazy about, being in my bathing suit, being cold and being wet!   Oh YEA!!  BRING IT!!!
Thanks for the support!

Bloated but holding!

Ok...I weighed in last night after doing the treadmill and other stuff that I would put in the "I better be getting something out of this!" box.  I weighted 172.3.  Are you kidding me...I was pretty discouraged.  I mean really that is what I weighted before I started counting calories and working out.  The evil inner voice (I am going to call her my evil twin ) kicked in..."Why bother?-You've learned how to be fat, you are good at it - You can eat at buffets and not get full!  What are you doing trying to lose weight?- You are not so good at that.  What if you fail?  Why not stay fat and stick with something you know and you are good at!"  Really, I heard that.  I even felt this fear of failure pushing at me!  WOW! Well I made it through the night amazed that I had grown the Evil Twin in my own head---What a Bitch!  I was discouraged, but I did not feed it, or stuff it with FOOD. 

This morning I woke up and I had started!!!!  Duh!  I am moving the needle - because this is my big fat bloated time!---So take that  Bitch!!!  OK I can't let my kids read this!!!

Anyway - I made it another day and clocked another Fat Fusion class - Take that Evil Twin  (ET).  I gotta get rid of her!  Thanks for the support!

Well Blog Me Away

I have no idea what I am doing in the blogging world...but here it goes.  I am finally ready to do something about my weight - besides gaining more.  This the beginning of my journey certainly not the first time down this road, but the first time in a while.  I have been thinking about thinking about losing weight for about 3 years... About 6 months ago I started thinking about it---and now I am ready!!!
So my first step was to actually use the fitness center I have been paying for- Genius Right!
Ok so this week I have done 4 different group exercise classes...I was blessed enough to begin this journey with a workout buddy.  Together we had the courage to walk into these classes.  There is safety in numbers.
Day 1  - Yoga - 1st try, unknown to me, I chose a Hot Yoga class called Vinyassa 2 - First Blooper... I thought Vinyassa was the instructor's name not so...this is an advanced class.  Second Blooper...they keep the room about 90 degrees - Hello, what kind of special hell is that!  I like to have air conditioning on me when I exercise!!!  I lasted about 10 minutes before I rolled my mat up and left to find AIR!  
Day 2 - I made another yoga class where I realized two things I can't clasp my hands behind my back and lift them up, and lifting my leg behind me and grabbing my ankle is a bad idea for me and the people standing around me.  All in all better than the hot yoga and some of the poses cracked me up - like happy baby, where you are laying on your back grab your toes and roll back and forth.   And cobra and plank - they were not nearly as fun--By the end of class I would have rather been hit with a plank rather than do another one.  Overall thoughts - I would do this class again.
Day 3 -  a spin class - now this was quite educational - First, several people came in with special shoes - that is always a sign you are in trouble!  The instructor gave us a lecture about don't bother if you are not going to push it in class.  I felt like I already had pushed it to get up the stairs to the cycle studio not to mention the walk in--I got a crumby parking place.  I knew she would not be impressed with my efforts.  She walked around and checked all our bike settings.  Let me just tell you I know a way to get spies to talk... put them on an exercise bike and let the seat do the rest.  To say the seat was uncomfortable was a huge understatement.  I remembered a family trip to Sea World where I was sitting on bleachers with my dad (who is very funny).  He made the comment that Sea World really got into the fish theme with the "piranha bleachers" we were sitting on.  I asked him why he called them piranha bleachers.  He replied they had to be piranhas because of the way they were eating at his ass.  Well - these bicycle seats were piranhas on steroids!  In addition, each bike had a knob that the instructor would point to and shout "turn to the right" (which would increase the resistance on the bike) - By the end of class I developed an eye tick each time she said it and learned that if you raise the handle bars up high enough you can actually lay on them! 
Day 4 - The next class I tried was called a conditioning/circuit class.  The first thing the instructor said was you should not be able to breath comfortably if you are doing the activities correctly - really these people need to work on their marketing skills.  This class had me in fear of running to Walgreens at midnight for Prep H.  Lots of bouncing and jumping  - It put me and my work-out buddy in a mood and when leaving my normally positive, kind work-out buddy said, I think she bought those boobs - I agreed and said I doubted her athletic bra was the same brand as mine - which by the way is called the "Shock Absorber"...really talk about insult to injury.
Day 5 - I so would have skipped, but I knew my workout buddy would be there so I dragged myself there.  My muscles were aching and my tail bone was hurting so bad I was thinking of paying my co-pay to get an x-ray.  This class was called fat fusion.  My workout buddy said she was more interested in getting rid of it vs having it fuse together...but we gave it a shot.  This was actually our favorite class of the week.  We got to use lots of toys and she did not try and kill us.

Day 6 - Saturday and I did nothing!!!  My tailbone has recovered, although I have achy arms and hamstrings.  My darling children laugh at me every time I have to bend down and wince.  Aren't they cute!

Day 7 - Duh! Even the Bible says to rest...Who am I to argue!